Tag Archives: personal

Eugoogaly

30 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by in Observations, relationships

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I recently heard that we should ask ourselves if we are living to write a resume or to create a eulogy.

I’m not sure what the original person meant but what that statement said to me is, am I just trying to look good for others or am I living to serve others? I say that because I’ve noticed that the eulogies or parts of eulogies that seem to be most meaningful are where service to others is the focus.

A recent funeral I conducted was a simple graveside service. It was to be short and it was cold out which made it even shorter. Even so, I asked people to take a moment and share in just a few words what this dear mother, sister, aunt and friend meant to them; how did she touch their lives. What was shared in that moment was powerful, inspirational, hopeful. With all this in mind, I thought about my own passing and what would be my eulogy.

So here’s the deal. When my time comes, I want to be cremated so it’s just a memorial. For the service, I ask that the people who know me to read my texts to them, my tweets and posts or blogs that meant the most to them. They can be heartfelt, funny, challenging, even annoying (like all those times I was right and you didn’t want to admit it – you know who you are). Throw in a few songs and an announcement about lunch and that’s the service. But I have a caveat.

They can’t be read into the air where they will dissolve into the wind. They have to be read to another person so it’s for them too.

That would be a good eugoogaly.

How about you? What would your eulogy be like?

2 Word Good News

24 Monday Jul 2017

Posted by in Discovery, Spirituality

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Have you ever really blown it? I mean you did or said something that so damaged a relationship that it still hasn’t recovered? Maybe you messed up so bad you’ve lost your connection in your family or community?

Yeah, me too.

If you are familiar with the apostles in the Good News, you might now about Peter. He was loud and brash; quick to speak and slow to listen. He seems to have been a leader in that he tends to get listed first among Jesus closest friends. Like the other disciples, he was given the ability to heal people and set people free from possession. He preached boldly and hundreds committed their lives to God. Eventually he would be imprisoned for his faith.

And yet, he blew it. Big time.

After Jesus had been captured and his trials had begun, Peter was being questioned about his relationship with Jesus. After denying he knows Jesus a couple times, he gets asked one more time and we’re told, “Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!””

Can you picture it? Peter spewing out cuss words and swearing on God’s name (super serious back then) that he doesn’t know his best friend Jesus, who is the Christ, the Son of God. You just know that word of this spread like wildfire among the other apostles. Can you imagine how he felt? Do you remember how you felt when you did something so bad you felt disqualified from everything?

But here’s the thing.

After the cross, on resurrection morning, the women coming to finish embalming Jesus, discover he has risen and they encounter an angel and the story goes like this:

“Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’” Mark 16:6-7 New International Version (NIV)

At a time when the disciples thought the hope of Jesus had ended in disaster, when they were scattered and afraid, they discover Jesus isn’t dead, the mission is still on, they are called to press forward and stay hopeful.

But did you catch it? The Good News in just two words?

And Peter.

To the one who had blown it, ran scared, and denied his best friend with angry curses, is still welcome at the table, still invited to be a part of the movement, and will still be used to turn the world upside with Good News; the Good News that despite his failures he was still loved and accepted, still valued and worthy.

And so are you.

 

7 Healing Affirmations For Survivors Of Narcissistic Abuse

22 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by in health, Observations, recovery

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I found this article called  “7 Healing Affirmations For Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse”. Here are some of the key thoughts I gained from it but I recommend you read the whole article.

Remember that just because someone is a selfish jerk doesn’t mean he or she has a narcissist disorder. It’s not a good idea to go around labelling people. However, if you have been abused by a narcissist or you have been hurt by narcissistic behaviours, I hope this article assists you as you purse help, hope, and healing.

Becoming from of abuse is a journey and healing can take time. Repeating a series of affirmations out loud can aid in your recovery.

  • I am healing slowly, but surely, day by day, one step at a time.
  • I am putting the past well and truly behind me to focus on the present and future.
  • I am a loveable person who deserves the care, affection, and respect of others.
  • I know and trust my own mind.
  • I have firm boundaries and the strength to stick to them.
  • I have the full support of my friends and/or family.

 

5 Speaking Habits That Make You Seem smarter

07 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by in Observations

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Do you ever have to do any public speaking. I do almost every week, sometimes a few times a week. Even though I’ve been public speaking for a couple decades, and I would say I am comfortable with it, it still makes me a bit nervous and I’m on the look out for tips. The other day I found an article called, 5 speaking habits that make you seem smarter: How to sound confident — even when you’re not.

I’ve summarized the 5 habits but I recommend you give the article a look.

 

  1. Follow the “rule of three” – Make sure your presentation has three big, overarching lessons or pieces of key information.
  2. Use thoughtful body language – To use your hands effectively as a speaker, keep your gestures fluid and consider incorporating specific movements — like using your fingers to count when making lists.
  3. Control your pace – Carmine Gallo, author of Talk like TED, said the ideal rate of speech is about 190 words a minute for public speaking.
  4. Don’t “fill” — just pause – If you find yourself mindlessly interjecting filler phrases as you rehearse, practice stopping yourself before the words leave your lips — and using the moment for a short dramatic pause.
  5. Strike a natural, personal tone – “If the facial expression expresses one emotion, but if the tone conveys a different one, neural dissonance takes place in the brain.”

 

I hope you find these tips and the original article helpful.

5 Damaging Lies We Learn From Narcissistic Parents

23 Thursday Feb 2017

Posted by in Observations, recovery

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I recently discovered Shahida Arabi, an Amazon Bestselling Author and Founder of Self-Care Haven.  She wrote an article called, 5 Damaging Lies We Learn From Narcissistic Parents. I encourage you to read it. Here are a few key thoughts that stood out to me:
  •  The effects of childhood trauma, including emotional neglect or abuse in childhood, can have alarmingly potent effects on our psyche .
  • Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived an existence where love was rarely ever unconditional, if given at all.
  • Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse can rise above their childhood conditioning.

The five lies Shadida Arabi discusses are:

  1. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught they are not inherently worthy, but rather that one’s worth depends on appearance, status, and reputation.
  2. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught the need to be perfect and successful, but one should never be rewarded for it or feel ‘enough.’
  3. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught there is always someone better, and they must be beaten.
  4. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught contempt is a part of love and ‘normal’ in a relationship.
  5. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught one’s emotions are not valid.

 

She offers insight into how to address these lies and to recover from this kind of abuse. She states, “…we have to learn to protect ourselves from further abuse and set up a plan to better engage in self-care… We must allow ourselves to grieve for the loss of our childhood and embrace the truth that our parents may have never loved us, or wanted the best for us, but that we can ‘reparent’ ourselves the best ways we know how – through empathy, compassion, self-acceptance and self-love. Make no mistake: when you are the child of a narcissistic parent, the idea that you never deserved this love, is perhaps the biggest lie of all.”