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~ Rejecting the gods of our culture since 1998.

cultural atheist

Tag Archives: ministry

Top Ten Lists

23 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by braddahr in Observations, relationships

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Tags

acceptance, family, Friends, Gratitude, Love, ministry, relationships

Do you like year-end top ten lists? You know: top ten movies, top ten songs, top ten sports moments, top ten fails, and so on. I think they appeal to us because we like to reminisce and because we like having life compartmentalized into ranked lists. The thing about all these things we list is, they are fleeting; enjoyable but typically inconsequential.

Recently, I had a few days of blahness which often leads me to be introspective which in turn leads to depression. One of the ways I care for myself when that happens is practicing gratitude. That led me to think about a personal top ten list – who and what have been transformational in my life? So… here’s my list, but instead of ranking my top ten I went sequentially – when the impact was made in my life.

Mom – in a time when being a single mother was unacceptable, when there were few supports, when employment opportunities were limited, my mom, single, 25, trying to go

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My mom and I a long time ago.

to school, chose to have me and keep me. My mom was all about adventures and experiences. Before I started school, the two of us went on a huge camping adventure across western Canada. She stood up for me against abusive teachers and she let me fend for myself when she saw me struggle but not overcome by situations. She was a good mom. The weekend she passed away, I was with her right up until the end. It still hurts that she’s gone.

Adopted – I never knew my bio dad. For several years, it was just me and my mom. I used to make up stories about my “dad” and the adventures we would have. Eventually, my mom met a good man and they decided to get married. I was seven years old. It wasn’t until a handful of years later that I found out he adopted me. It’s significant to be accepted!

Sisters – after my mom and dad got married, I was tremendously blessed with two

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Too difficult to explain what’s happening here.

sisters. I can say that now because I am looking back on this with an attitude of gratitude which colours my memories. (Ha ha) Honestly, there were some challenging moments – I had to change diapers and still haven’t recovered from that trauma. I suspect my sisters can also testify that I wasn’t the best brother. Even so, I love my sisters. Even though I am the oldest and the favourite, I look up to them because they are talented and brilliant women.

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My sisters with my mom (her masters graduation) with our first two kids.

Marriage – I could write two or three blogs about how I became married. In a nutshell, I met this wonderful woman, we became good friends, she took advantage of me with her feminine charms, I loved her anyway, we became married. We have been given the gift of three children and now we have three grand babies. She remains my best friend, my partner in crime (the legal kind) and the person I enjoy going on adventures with. When she really laughs my heart swells with joy. The beauty of her singing can move me to tears. It’s really cool how creative she is. These days she’s making soap and lip balm.

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Summer 2017 at an Edmonton Triathlon Club Event. (Note: How do you know if someone does triathlons? Don’t worry, some how they’ll work it into the conversation.)

Children – we have been blessed with three children. I was present for the delivery of each child which was both terrifying and so filled with love and joy. They are all out of the house now. Two are in post-secondary and one is a fantastic mom. All three are very talented – they get that from their mom. Our oldest boy is taking a fine arts program. He can work in several mediums and puts all his effort into making something unique.  Our daughter has her hands full with babies but she sings like her mom and recently she has begun song writing. Our baby boy just started college. He’s a writer and story creator. I’m very proud of them.

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Oldest, Baby, Middle

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Middle, Oldest, Baby

Baptism and Ministry – after the babies came, I was soul searching. I was essentially an atheist but various small steps happened that eventually led me to accept God’s acceptance of me. I committed my life to the Way, the Truth, and the Life and was baptized. It’s been a wonderful journey thus far and there’s so much more on the horizon.

Not long after I made my choice to be a Christian, I experienced a call into ministry. I was

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This is COME2LIFE and our youth emotional health workshop called The Butterfly Effect.

happily working in the computer systems arena and good at it. One sabbath during worship, the sermon was on Paul and his work spreading the Good News. We were sitting in the noisy section but suddenly, everything went quiet like someone pressed the mute button, and I heard a voice say, “That’s what I want you to do.” Then the noise came back. That began my journey into ministry, a return to university and now full-time pastoral ministry.

Grandchildren – The highlight of my week is when I get to spend time with our GBs. Each one is delightful in their unique way. A huge, life-changing, event with our grandchildren was shortly after GB1 was born. I have already told the story of our miracle grandson. Check it out.

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The GBs 1, 2, and 3.

Velveteen Rabbit – two years ago this very day, a young adult came into our lives and we were changed forever. For various reasons, I can’t say much about her but she gave me

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“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.” Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit 

permission to share her picture. At first, she was just someone we walked with in her pain. Along the way, she took a part of our hearts. I hope she always remembers who she is to us. Our prayer for her is that she will continue to experience healing and will allow herself to be loved into all she was created to be. The blue comfy chair is always there; the door is always open.

Noreen M – when she was in grade 11, Noreen came to our lives and said that more needed to be done for youth mental health. We agreed and together we developed The Butterfly Effect, a youth emotional health workshop. Since then, we’ve transitioned into COME2LIFE. Noreen challenges me and she helps me be even more cool and unconventional! One day I hope to learn from her how to take a decent selfie.

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Noreen at her grad.

Honourable Mentions – Yes, this is a little cheat – like using your third wish to ask for more wishes – but I just want to give a nod to the many people who have been big in my life. Good friends, men and women who helped me in my faith journey, people whose presence was and often is an oasis of grace and acceptance. I hope that as I am in your life, you know who you are, how you are valued, and what you mean to me.

How about you? Do you have a personal top ten list; people, achievements, favourite movies, best experiences? Who or what are at the top of your list?

Broken Records

01 Saturday Oct 2016

Posted by braddahr in Observations

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

broken, Home, hope, Joy, loss, ministry, record, recovery, sadness

If you’re cool and unconventional, you know about the TV series, M*A*S*H. It’s been called the “fifth-best written TV series ever and… the eighth-greatest show of all time.”

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M*A*S*H was a dramatic comedy centred on a surgical unit during the Korean war. I watched the show mostly in re-runs during my teens. M*A*S*H would make me laugh out loud, challenge me, leave me weeping.

One of the regular characters on the show was Charles Emerson Winchester III. He was basically a snob who saw himself above most people but every so often the complexity of his character would be revealed in deeply moving situations.

In the series finale, some Chinese soldiers surrender to Winchester who discovers the soldiers are musicians who know how to play, somewhat poorly, one of his favourite musical recordings, Mozart, Clarinet Quintet in A, K. 581. Winchester takes them under his wing, teaches them, and they form a bond.

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As the finale concerns the end of the war, later in the episode, prisoners of war are exchanged and the musician soldiers are taken away. As the truck carrying them pulls away, the musicians play the Mozart piece for their new friend Charles Winchester. Shortly afterwards, the announcement comes that the war is over.

While everyone prepares to go home, new casualties arrive at the camp. Winchester is performing triage and discovers one of his musician friends among those who have been killed. He then learns that the truck the musicians  were in was attacked and there were no survivors.

In a effort to console himself, he returns to his tent and begins to play the record of the Mozart piece but after a few moments he removes it from the player and smashes it. The music that once inspired and comforted and bridged the gap between people has become a source of pain and sadness; all the hurt and grief of war.

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In no way would I compare my life to a literal war however, for the last several months, I journeyed with a young adult and it often felt like we were fighting a war. A war against her past, the trauma that she suffered, and its affects in the present. A war agains spiritual forces, a war against psychological abuse. Every new day, no matter how difficult, felt like a victory, a battle won. Along the way, she became a friend to my wife and I and then, like a daughter to us; we care for her like one of our own.

Music was a big part of the journey with our friend. We came to enjoy some new songs she introduced to us and we shared songs with her – if you can believe it, she didn’t know classics like “Lean On Me“! She grew up in a cultural wasteland but we loved and accepted her as she was. These shared songs became sources of inspiration, comfort, laughter and hope.

One particularly meaningful song was “Home” by Gabrielle Aplin. It was a favourite in my playlist. It gave me hope in the heat of the battle. As the three of us would drive down the road it would play and we would sing and there would be joy. Recently, our friend made the choice to cut us out of her life so she could return to the place she once described as toxic while saying, ‘How can I get better when I’m constantly being torn down?’ The reasons for her choice are complex and confusing. All we could say is that our hearts and prayers are with her; we hope that as she matures and becomes a real, independent, person, she will come to love herself and love others with the heart that God gives all of us.

On a long drive the other day, I put on my playlist and listened to “Home.” Like Winchester’s Mozart piece I realized it has become a source of pain instead of hope, grief instead of joy; a reminder of loss and our heartbreak for the struggle she is going through, a monument to the failure I feel on a daily basis. I had to delete it from my playlist; “Home” has become a broken record to me.

I still hope for a different tomorrow. Unlike a fictional show that was written and recorded long ago, the ending of this story is as yet, unwritten. I hope and pray our friend uses her tools, practices self-care, and cultivates resiliency and finds the healing she needs. I hope she allows God to love her into everything he created his beloved child to be. I hope one day she will be her own person and her dreams will come to pass. I hope that one day, when she has freedom, she will reconnect, and we will enjoy banana cream pudding, and laugh, and sing about Home once again.

Until that day, I’m leaving this broken record here.

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