Tag Archives: Listening

Voice Detection 

04 Monday Sep 2017

Posted by in Spirituality

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I recently had a conversation about hearing the voice of God. The person was doubtful and scoffed at the idea that God speaks to us and that we can discern it. Can we?

It’s an interesting question because many people believe they hear from God. Personally, I had an experience where I sensed God call me to ministry. It was definitely out of the ordinary and it didn’t feel like I was just talking with myself. In the Bible, there are numerous stories where people hear from God. They seem to be really clear concerning who they are talking with.

My thinking is that, the more time we spend getting to know God, through the Bible and prayer, the more we can recognize his voice when he speaks. The person that I was chatting with scoffed at that, too.

Do you know the musical “Hamilton”? We recently discovered the soundtrack and as we’ve been travelling a lot over the last year, we have listened to the soundtrack several times. My wife is a gifted singer and it’s a treat for me to hear her sing along. I try to keep up.

Then, one day, spending time with our GBs, we watched “Moana.” My wife said, “The composer is ‎the guy who did Hamilton. She meant Lin-Manuel Miranda and of course, I had to check it out to see if she was right and she was!

You see, she knows his voice.

 

I believe from Jesus own words, my experience and other’s testimony, the more time we spend in the Bible, particularly the Gospels, the more we will know his voice.

Want to try it out?

Shields Up!

31 Monday Jul 2017

Posted by in Discovery, relationships

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How would you feel if I told you something about yourself that you didn’t want to hear? Maybe it’s a complaint about something you said. Maybe I am angry or hurt about something you did. What would you do?

When this happens to me, I listen attentively and respond with appreciation for the feedback. If it’s appropriate, I try to own it, apologize and seek to make amends.

Ha ha, just kidding. I usually get a little, sometimes a lot, defensive. I try not to. I honestly strive for the ideal response. There’s just that part of me that says, “Shields up! Load torpedoes!”giphy

The thing is, defensiveness is really damaging to relationships. Dr. John Gottman has noted that it’s one of the four relationship killers. If you want to have a healthy thriving relationship, how do you get out of the defensiveness trap?

I found a short article from his group on Listening Without Getting Defensive. I recommend you check it out. Here are a few snippets…

“While it’s important for the speaker to complain without blame and state a positive need to prevent the listener from flooding or responding defensively, it’s also vital for the listener to learn to self-soothe.”

“Dr. Gottman suggests using a notepad to write down everything your partner says, which is especially helpful when you’re feeling defensive. This also helps you remember what was said when you reflect back what you hear or it’s your turn to speak.”

“During tough conversations it’s helpful to focus on your affection and respect for your partner.”

 

“Remember to postpone your agenda and focus on understanding your partner.”

“Look inward and see what you are telling yourself about what this conflict means and how it may impact you.”

“Ask yourself, Why am I getting defensive? What am I trying to protect? Your partner’s complaint is about their needs, not yours, so soothe your defensiveness so you can be there for them.”

“If your partner is saying something that is triggering, ask them to say it in a different way.”

 

“Long-lasting love requires courage. The courage to be vulnerable and to listen non-defensively, even in the heat of conflict. Especially when we are hurt and angry.”