Tag Archives: life

The Sinister Mind

12 Monday Feb 2018

Posted by in Beginnings, Inspiration, recovery

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One of the hats I wear is co-founder and coordinator for COME2LIFE. COME2LIFE engages youth in emotional health conversations, inviting them to experience help, hope & healing. Our signature workshop is called, The Butterfly Effect, a two hour, interactive, presentation that gets us talking about what causes our emotional health to be in chaos.

Recently, we had the honour of presenting The Butterfly Effect to 120+ grade 7, 8, and 9 students. We’ve got a lot of positive response from the youth but a few days later, one of them sent us this poem. She said we could share it.

The Sinister Mind
By Taylor P.

When I am alone, my thoughts tear me apart
Ripping at my heart it does
I am sick of feeling this way, my words are completely numb
“Please make it stop.¨ I say, tears flow as my thoughts scream louder and louder
The pain is deafening, fear and dread rip through my veins
Shame and guilt are words that rip and tear at my slipping sanity like wild dogs
Shove happy pills down my throat, I don’t care
I want my needless hurt to stop
I don’t want to sink further under, stones tied to my ankles
I don’t want to feel miles of shame for things I’ve never done
I want to be happy, calm, at peace
I don’t want to feel comfort by taking sharp metal to my scarred skin
My eyes burn red, my mouth feels dry
I want to sleep, I don’t want to eat
I want to be okay

As I make my way through the dark
I see a light, a placid light
The light caresses my face and brushes through my hair
It’s feather soft to the touch
It engulfs my body, covering every crevasse and every space
It wraps around the miles of skin that I possess
It’s warm and sweet and suddenly I am okay
Suddenly the light has returned in my eyes
For the first time in a long time, I am at peace
No more shame, no more guilt
The burden of being miserable is gone
The ache of being me is gone
The mirror is no longer an enemy
The demons that lurk in my mind remain nothing but ashes
The monsters that hide in my world are now the fuel that makes me stronger
As the wounds turn to scars, this battle was won
I made it through the grenades of doubt and the bullets of hate
I am free at last.

 

 

 

 

Swim Bike Run Nap

05 Thursday Jan 2017

Posted by in Beginnings, health, Observations

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As part of my wellness journey, I completed the YK2HR 2014 – an epic three day, 500km, ride from Yellowknife to Hay River in the Northwest Territories. After I recovered, I needed a new goal. I had a decent bike, I was a swimmer… what to do, what to do?

I decided that I was going to do triathlons!

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(I am NOT in this picture!)

There are several different triathlon levels – starting with Tri-it, a 300 m swim, 10 km bike, and a 2.5 km run to the Ironman 3.86 km swim, 180.25 km bike, and 42.20 km (marathon) run. There are also ultra-Ironman events – races over multiple days. I decided I would start at the Sprint level which is double the Tri-it distance.

My first thought was, I guess I better start running!

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When I was younger, I used to run like the wind but then I starting cycling and then driving… It had been a long time since I had done any running. Since a race means moving between the swim, bike and run without resting, my first attempt would be a short, but moderately intense, bike ride and then I would do a little run.  The ride was great, I parked my bike, switched shoes and I was off to the trails near our home!

At least, I was off for about 150 m when suddenly there was a sharp stabbing pain in my calf. I don’t know what happen but it hobbled me. I limped back home, discouraged and nearly in tears.

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Fortunately – at least it seems fortunate now – the triathlon in Yellowknife was cancelled that year. That meant I had almost a year to heal, train, and invest in gear. I found a wetsuit for a great price, got a triathlon-suit (a once piece that you can wear for the swim, bike and run), and new runners. The spandex level in my clothing rose by 67%.

My first event was the 2015 Kelowna Apple Triathlon. It’s an open water swim  in Lake Okanogan, a challenging bike route, and a really nice run through parks and along the lake. It was a great race.

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Afterwards, we had lunch and then hit the road for home. We got about five hours down the road and all the muscle soreness and exhaustion hit us so we got an emergency hotel room, with a hot tub…

Before the summer was over, I finished two more triathlons – Vancouver, BC (swim in the ocean with bonus cuts on my hands from barnacles!) and Terwilligar in Edmonton, AB which was a pool swim.

Since then, I have continued to train for triathlons. In 2016, I moved up to the Olympic level (1500 m swim, 50 km bike, and a 10 km run) at the Great White North Triathlon. I plan to stay at that level for a couple years. What’s nice about these distances is that I can go hard, finish well, and then get home for a nap!

In my next post, I’ll share what I do to train for triathlons.

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(Me (the sexy one in the middle), my wife, and sister at the Vancouver Triathlon 2015.)

 

7 Principles for Relationship Success 

30 Friday Dec 2016

Posted by in health, Observations

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Do you find yourself struggling in your relationships? I’m a huge fan of Dr. John Gottman and his approach to helping people have healthy relationships. The following is for intimate partnerships but I am convinced they are valid for all relationships, just toned down to respect platonic boundaries. I hope these 7 principles help you have stronger relationships.

Disposables

22 Thursday Dec 2016

Posted by in Observations, Spirituality

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We are a disposable culture.

This isn’t always a negative. When I was younger, I used to babysit my sisters and my mom  never had disposable diapers. That was okay because I can handle cloth diapers but the problem was, I didn’t know how to fold them. One night, I was babysitting and I ran out of diapers; the only ones left were the freshly washed ones in a laundry basket – unfolded.  I had to call the neighbour lady to help. That night I would have killed for a disposable diaper!

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Beyond some conveniences we appreciate, think about all the stuff we just use up and throw away. Even this MacBook I am using to write this will one day be disposable (hopefully resealable or recyclable but still I will dispose of it for a new one).

We have become so used to disposing of things, even our most sacred and cherished spaces have been invaded by disposable culture.

We were created for relationship. Love and belonging are the two fundamental human needs. And yet, our relationships are disposable.

Now I’m not talking about the ebb and flow of people that come in and out of our life. I’m also not talking about necessary boundaries to safeguard ourselves from abuse.

I’m talking about the intentional disposing of people in our lives because they have become inconvenient, hard work, or we just can’t be bothered to make the effort. Once disposed of, we often look on those people with contempt.

Marriage is when two become one. Sadly, one often decides to dispose of the other.
Parents have teenagers they don’t know what to do with so they dispose of them from the house. Over the years, our home has been a safe place for half dozen disposed teens.
Friends dispose of each other over some of the most ridiculous things.
Most heartbreaking is when someone makes the choice to dispose of a baby – before or after he or she is born.

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What if God was like that? We would be doomed.

Fortunately, we have a Good, Good Father and he’s not like that. Actually, he not just not like that, he’s on the opposite end of the spectrum.  Here are a couple of things he says to us:*

“Even if your own mother who nursed you disposes of you, I will never dispose of you.”

“I will not dispose of you even until the end of the age.”

For those who trust God, we desire to have Christ’s character manifested in us. What I have noticed is we usually frame that within bad habits and choices. Sure, those are important, but we worry about them and without even a pause we dispose of people like we throw away used diapers.

Can you imagine what your life, your church, and the community you live in would be like if we had just 20% of God’s non-disposable character?

*Isaiah 49:15 and Matthew 28:20. I modified a couple words to make the point but the meaning is the same.

Great Value

22 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Inspiration, Observations, Spirituality

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Have you heard about the parables of the hidden treasure and the pearl of great value? When Matthew wrote his perspective on the Good News about Jesus Christ, he gathered a bunch of Jesus’ parables in Matthew 13. This is how they go…

“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field. “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant on the lookout for choice pearls. When he discovered a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought it!”

The typical approach to these parables that I have heard is: Be that guy! Sell everything, be willing to give up everything, so you can gain the kingdom.

Truly, the kingdom is worth everything and anything we give up pales in comparison to it. Truly, we don’t want anything between us and God, for those people and things are idols.

But there are two problems with the typical approach. First, that’s not what the text is saying which is huge but the bigger problem is even worse. When we take that approach, we push ourselves towards legalism; it’s about earning the kingdom which is a gift from God. The good news becomes good advice.

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So what’s it saying?

Right before these parable, Jesus says, “The Kingdom of Heaven is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field.” Then he talks about an enemy who sows weeds in the field.  Eventually, both wheat and weeds are harvested and then sorted. Right after these parables, Jesus says, “…the Kingdom of Heaven is like a fishing net that was thrown into the water and caught fish of every kind.” The fisherman pulls the fish onto the shore and sorts the catch into good fish and bad fish.

In both these parables, as in all scripture, we see two groups: There are those who have embraced God’s acceptance and love and are resting in his grace, and there are those who have persistently remained indifferent, resisted, or outright rejected God’s acceptance and love. The second group are eventually given over to their heart’s desires.

What all this means is that the hidden treasure and the pearl of great value are not things you are supposed to strive for and sacrifice for!

They are you!

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They are you and me and the one who buys the field and the pearls so he can have the what he values above all else is… Jesus.  Under the shadow of the cross he couldn’t see beyond the portal of the tomb. He thought it was a one way trip. And yet, he stayed the course; fought the battle, gave up everything, and ransomed you from the enemy of life. These parables tell us that we are infinite worth and value to God.

Yes, we’re broken and hurting and angry and stubborn but we have love and belonging with God because he treasurers us; gave everything to rescue us.

Here’s the great big idea I want you to take away from this. When you’re in pain, overwhelmed, thinking you’ve run out of options, people will probably say: remember that your friends love you, your family loves you, God loves you. ALL TRUE.

But I don’t think that’s going to get you through.

Instead you need to see your infinite worth and value in God and… Love yourself.

You need to love yourself enough to ask for help.
You need to love yourself enough to hold on to hope.
You need to love yourself enough to seek healing.

You need to love yourself enough hold on one more day… after all, it’s always just one day at a time.

 

The 3 Day Quote Challenge – 2

11 Friday Nov 2016

Posted by in Observations

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Thank you fitnessgrad for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is day two of a three day challenge. For previous posts: Day 1.

Rules to be followed:

  • 3 quotes each day
  • Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Inform the nominees

My quotes for today are:

“Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne

“Worry is not believing God will get it right, and bitterness is believing God got it wrong.” Timothy Keller

I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):

#MagnificentMik

LeneinJapan

The Bike Escape