Do you believe in a God who throws stones?
In March 2014, Emily Esfahani Smith wrote an article about loss and grief. When we experience loss we can race in various ways. She asks:
“What drives these people forward? What holds the others back? And why do some mourners recover from grief quickly—much more quickly—than others? Psychologists who study these questions note that there is no single factor that predicts who copes well and who does not. Many variables, from your personality to your social world to your levels of stress before the loss, play distinct roles.”
Loss and the grief it creates comes to us in many forms but we all go through it. I believe Brené Brown said everyone has a story that will make you cry and many have a story that will overwhelm you with grief.
How have you coped with loss? Do you recover quickly or do you need more time?
Do you plan and implement events or programs? You might want to check yourself for these possible cognitive distortions.
I can’t possibly know all the necessary information to run this program.
We’ve never done anything like this – these kinds of programs don’t work in our town.
There are too many untried and unproved things for me to teach.
Disqualifying the positive
Even though a lot of people were helped, we made some really big mistakes in running the program.
That person on the phone probably doesn’t like the program and wants to drop.
Fortune teller error
Nobody is going to be helped by the program.
Magnification or minimization
Gloria said some really mean things about the program last night – everybody must have thought the same thing.
I feel really inadequate to deal with all the emotional problems of the participants, therefore I am worthless.
Labeling and mislabeling
I’m so stupid for having forgotten to make a name tag for the new participant.
I am a failure because some participants gave poor reviews of the program.
I should have divided the groups differently; then everybody would be happy.
You can address these thoughts using the acronym SWIM.
State the feels – name what you are feeling and where is it coming from.
Wonder if it’s true – fact check your feelings; argue with yourself.
Involve others for a fresh perspective – get out of your head and listen to other’s feedback.
Make peace with the truth – the truth is you are probably very capable, did a good job, had a positive impact, and should keep working the program, making improvements as you go!
Have you encountered gossip? Hopefully, you were bothered by it and wanted to stop it but you probably didn’t know what to do. David Maxfield wrote an article about this for Crucial Skills. He says:
“In these situations, silence isn’t golden. It’s agreement. When we don’t speak up, we show our support for the people doing the badmouthing. We’re helping to throw the person under the bus.
It’s this kind of poisonous conversation that causes bad morale to spread across a team or organization. It begins with a seemingly innocuous joke, which is really the leading edge of an attack. Instead of saying something like, “I see it differently,” others in the conversation remain silent or add to the wisecrack, amplifying the attack.
The group is creating a villain story at someone’s expense, without stopping to question the story’s truth or giving the person a chance to respond. As the story is repeated and grows unchallenged, it becomes full of what the comedian Stephen Colbert calls “truthiness.” It may be several steps away from the facts, but it feels true. And it poisons the workplace.”
Click the link for the rest of this great article.