Monthly Archives: April 2018

Eugoogaly

30 Monday Apr 2018

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I recently heard that we should ask ourselves if we are living to write a resume or to create a eulogy.

I’m not sure what the original person meant but what that statement said to me is, am I just trying to look good for others or am I living to serve others? I say that because I’ve noticed that the eulogies or parts of eulogies that seem to be most meaningful are where service to others is the focus.

A recent funeral I conducted was a simple graveside service. It was to be short and it was cold out which made it even shorter. Even so, I asked people to take a moment and share in just a few words what this dear mother, sister, aunt and friend meant to them; how did she touch their lives. What was shared in that moment was powerful, inspirational, hopeful. With all this in mind, I thought about my own passing and what would be my eulogy.

So here’s the deal. When my time comes, I want to be cremated so it’s just a memorial. For the service, I ask that the people who know me to read my texts to them, my tweets and posts or blogs that meant the most to them. They can be heartfelt, funny, challenging, even annoying (like all those times I was right and you didn’t want to admit it – you know who you are). Throw in a few songs and an announcement about lunch and that’s the service. But I have a caveat.

They can’t be read into the air where they will dissolve into the wind. They have to be read to another person so it’s for them too.

That would be a good eugoogaly.

How about you? What would your eulogy be like?

Warning Signs

23 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by in Observations, recovery

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Trigger warning – this post is about child abuse. Please check out my other posts if this in any way will be triggering for you.

Recently, I completed a course on ensuring churches and schools are more safe for children. part of the course reviewed the warning signs of possible sexual abuse in a child’s behaviours.  What follows is the tip sheet from that course shared under the Creative Commons license.

Note that any one sign doesn’t mean that a child was sexually abused, but the presence of several suggests that you begin asking questions and consider seeking help. Keep in mind that some of these signs can emerge at other times of stress such as:
• During a divorce
• Death of a family member or pet
• Problems at school or with friends
• Other anxiety-inducing or traumatic events

Warning Signs in a Child or Adolescent

• Has nightmares or other sleep problems without an explanation
• Seems distracted or distant at odd times
• Has a sudden change in eating habits – refusal to eat, loss or increased appetite, trouble swallowing.
• Sudden mood swings: rage, fear, insecurity or withdrawal
• Leaves “clues” that seem likely to provoke a discussion about sexual issues
• Writes, draws, plays or dreams of sexual or frightening images
• Develops new or unusual fear of certain people or places
• Refuses to talk about a secret shared with an adult or older child
• Talks about a new older friend
• Suddenly has money, toys or other gifts without reason
• Thinks of self or body as repulsive, dirty or bad
• Exhibits adult-like sexual behaviors, language and knowledge

Signs more typical of younger children

• An older child behaving like a younger child (such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking)
• Has new words for private body parts
• Resists removing clothes when appropriate times (bath, bed, toileting, diapering)
• Asks other children to behave sexually or play sexual games
• Mimics adult-like sexual behaviors with toys or stuffed animal
• Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

Signs more typical in adolescents

• Self-injury (cutting, burning)
• Inadequate personal hygiene
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Sexual promiscuity
• Running away from home
• Depression, anxiety
• Suicide attempts
• Fear of intimacy or closeness
• Compulsive eating or dieting

Physical warning signs

Physical signs of sexual abuse are rare.  If you see these signs, bring your child to a doctor.   Your doctor can help you understand what may be happening and test for sexually transmitted diseases.
• Pain, discoloration, bleeding or discharges in genitals, anus or mouth
• Persistent or recurring pain during urination and bowel movements
• Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

What You Can Do If You See Warning Signs

• Create a Safety Plan. Don’t wait for “proof” of child sexual abuse.
• Contact child protective services

Prophetic Panther

16 Monday Apr 2018

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I like a good super-hero movie so I watched Black Panther. It was really well done, with an excellent cast, and a positive message. It’s been said that there’s nothing new under the sun and as I reflected on the story, I realized it’s filled with Biblical/messianic metaphors (technically some are pop-Christian rather than Biblical but I’ll give that a pass this time).

*Spoiler Alert* Turn back now if you haven’t watched it yet.

There’s a historic conflict with a rebellion that develops into a great controversy.
The son represents the father – ensures the kingdom continues.
The son becomes king (messiah) once he’s “baptized.”
A fallen one lays claim to the kingdom thru deception.
The resurrection of a friend a few days after he was “dead.”
One who is a close as a brother becomes commits a betrayal.
The sacrificial death and resurrection of the true king; three women going to the fallen king’s tomb.
The outsider being made an insider by the risen king.
The true king defeating the enemy in a great battle,
The true king brings peace to the world.

What do you think? Did you notice any others?

Corey

03 Tuesday Apr 2018

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When I was much younger, my cousin had a baby. She was one of those lost kids, the kind the world takes a toll on, and in short order, her mom was raising her son. His name was Corey.

Back in the day, none of us really understood what FASD was but we’re pretty sure now that Corey had it. It was hard for Corey to fit in with us. He was the first second-cousin and much younger than all of us. We were jerky kids and not very good at integrating him into our visiting. But he was there and he was family.

Over the years I lost touch with Corey. He had a son of his own. He struggled with alcohol. The last time I remember seeing him was at another second cousin’s wedding. It was strange to see the little kid we used to play with as an adult. Where had the time gone?  Unfortunately,, he started drinking and before long, there was an incident, and he and others were embarrassed and angry.

That wedding happened maybe ten years ago. Corey once again slipped into the past. On my mom’s side, we were all fairly close as kids. But as people grow up, move away, start their own families… we lost track. No one is to blame. It just happens but it’s still sad. What’s even sadder is that in all the pictures I have, I can’t find one of Corey. He’s missing.

This morning, I received a call from my sister. My second cousin Corey was killed, murdered. Details are sketchy but the cause of death was massive head trauma. Like most families, ours has been touched by accidental death, by cancer, by old age. All death is a curse but this feels so much worse; evil.

My heart hurts. It hurts for a lost little boy born to a lost young woman. It hurts for a lost family member. It hurts for a man lost to alcohol. It hurts for my second cousin. His name was Corey.