Abuse, healing, help, hope, narcissism, parents, personal, relationships, Shame
The five lies Shadida Arabi discusses are:
- Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught they are not inherently worthy, but rather that one’s worth depends on appearance, status, and reputation.
- Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught the need to be perfect and successful, but one should never be rewarded for it or feel ‘enough.’
- Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught there is always someone better, and they must be beaten.
- Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught contempt is a part of love and ‘normal’ in a relationship.
- Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught one’s emotions are not valid.
She offers insight into how to address these lies and to recover from this kind of abuse. She states, “…we have to learn to protect ourselves from further abuse and set up a plan to better engage in self-care… We must allow ourselves to grieve for the loss of our childhood and embrace the truth that our parents may have never loved us, or wanted the best for us, but that we can ‘reparent’ ourselves the best ways we know how – through empathy, compassion, self-acceptance and self-love. Make no mistake: when you are the child of a narcissistic parent, the idea that you never deserved this love, is perhaps the biggest lie of all.”
Powerful points. The scars that are left from this type personality are so long term but are able to be overcome through time and conscious work.