Tags
Abuse, healing, help, hope, narcissist, recovery, relationship, toxic
Lately, I’ve been discovering common behaviours of Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths. Keep in mind that those are personality disorders and it’s not a good idea to go around labelling people just because they’re jerks. These posts will cover just a few common behaviours that might alert you to possible mistreatment. Please check the link at the bottom for the full list. If these things are happening to you, please seek help so you can have hope and healing.
The following is a summary from an article by by Shahida Arabi at http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/. Shahida Arabi is a poet and the author of the book She Who Destroys the Light: Fairy Tales Gone Wrong.
Toxic people such as malignant narcissists, psychopaths and those with antisocial traits engage in maladaptive behaviors in relationships that ultimately exploit, demean and hurt their intimate partners, family members and friends. They use a plethora of diversionary tactics that distort the reality of their victims and deflect responsibility. Although those who are not narcissistic can employ these tactics as well, abusive narcissists use these to an excessive extent in an effort to escape accountability for their actions. Here are diversionary tactics toxic people use to silence and degrade you.
Name Calling
The lowest of the low resort to narcissistic rage in the form of name-calling when they can’t think of a better way to manipulate your opinion or micromanage your emotions. Name-calling is a quick and easy way to put you down, degrade you and insult your intelligence, appearance or behavior while invalidating your right to be a separate person with a right to his or her perspective.
Name-calling can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions and insights. A well-researched perspective or informed opinion suddenly becomes “silly” or “idiotic” in the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath who feels threatened by it and cannot make a respectful, convincing rebuttal. Rather than target your argument, they target you as a person and seek to undermine your credibility and intelligence in any way they possibly can. It’s important to end any interaction that consists of name-calling and communicate that you won’t tolerate it. Don’t internalize it: realize that they are resorting to name-calling because they are deficient in higher level methods.
cultural atheist 
Great post. We appreciated how you noted “not a good idea to go around labelling people just because they’re jerks”. So often there is a tendency to make a diagnosis without understanding the classification. On the other hand sometimes is the shoe fits…, lol. This is a very real topic and one that we need to be aware of because it will only help those of us out in the world on a regular basis. When equipped with the tools we can use them when situations arise.
The one encounter I had was very much a “shoe fits” event but I still don’t know for sure – don’t think I ever will. I’m more concerned about those still in contact with that person and being damaged by his behaviour.
You are so right. We use to call it the WAR cycle (world of abnormal rearing) and how such damaged people damage others. How did you handle the person you came in contact with if we may ask?
I started by asking Siri: “Where’s the best place to hide a body?”
It does make one think this way doesn’t it? I know I have felt this way many a time.
It’s good to know I’m not the only crazy one.
LOL, LOL. Nope there are a few of us left. We need to be that role model for the upcoming generation, lol.
Seriously though… It’s a complicated story of woe. Late 2015, I was asked to assist a young adult in distress. I did that and asked if, while they began their journey if I could do regular check ins just to make sure they were okay/give them a chance to process until the professional counselling started. Along the way, even though we were very family supportive we became the parent’s enemy #1. The thing was as it was unfolding I didn’t get it. I was a bit surprised by the parent’s words and actions towards us but mostly towards their own child. Then came the bigger attacks and accusations, the shaming and blaming.
Then last October in a board meeting, the person went off the chain. Wild accusations, flying monkeys, word salad, the works. I stayed calm and I addressed the most serious statements but honestly I left me messed up for weeks. Then it was really clear that this person, if not an actual narcissist personality disorder is the closest thing to it.
That’s when I began to educate myself and to write.
Wow, you handled it great. I am sure the verbal attack on you left its wounds. Words cut deep and this type person hones his or her skills to hit the mark. As far as the “professional counseling” I believe you did awesome. You showed care by getting involved when others didn’t or wouldn’t. You offered follow through. You gained greater understanding of the issue and sought greater knowledge of the personality type. You did all this because you cared and not as part of the 55 minute hour and co-pay. Your way of handling their outrage showed those at that meeting what wisdom and patience and meekness is about. Your witness will ripple. It is sad though the wake of destruction that person is causing to so many! You did good in my humble opinion. You got involved!
I appreciate that. It was a challenging journey but I would do it all again. A lot of good came out of it and best of all, even though the story is still being written, that young adult is still alive today.
I think in the big picture, the part that really hurt was being thrown under the bus by the flying monkeys. I think I already new that he is like that so it wasn’t as huge an impact. Plus I documented well and I had witness statements. But one colleague called me afterwards and said he was sorry that it happened, he just heard about stuff the night before (thanks for no heads up #nothanks) and that I should just apologize.
Look, now you’ve got me ruminating!
I am glad you would do it again which shows your strength of character. You had an impact even though it left you beleaguered. His comment shows his heart…. here you do the right thing but in the eyes of the world its wrong. Gotta smile or else your blood pressure will go up, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself, lol, lol.
Strength of character is a good way to reframe: No comment sense.
I agree about smiling. I laugh to keep from crying.
It’s not so bad now. I was in the process of transferring out of that area which was probably why the outburst happened when and where it did. I like to think I’m past it but in the new location there is a guy who bears a resemblance to the abuser and whenever we cross paths, I know my heart rate goes up a little.
You are now tuned in and that’s a good thing. Wisdom is sometimes learned best on the battlefield.
Hey,
I have chosen to nominate you for the versatile blogger award, you may choose to accept or decline this award. The following details will be held in the link: https://fitness9555.wordpress.com/2017/02/19/versatile-blogger-award-2017-2/
Shay-lon
Thanks! I’ll check it out.
You’re welcome!
Kudos to all who raise awareness about Narcissists/Sociopaths/Psychopaths- excellent post. Please see my book on the subject – free on Kindle this week- Tales from the Psychopaths Playground. Educating others and learning how to protect ourselves can prevent so much misery. Routing them out of positions of power is our ultimate challenge. https://www.amazon.com/Tales-Psychopaths-Playground-Memoir-Hass-ebook/dp/B072HMXXK9/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1495458680&sr=1-1&keywords=tales+from+the+psychopaths+playground
Thanks for the link, I’ll check it out.