Monthly Archives: February 2017

In The Hot Seat — BeautyBeyondBones

28 Tuesday Feb 2017

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Please take the time to read this amazing post from BeautyBeyondBones.

I’m living the life of one of those 60-year-old “ladies who lunch.” Seriously. All I need is a red hat, and false teeth and I’ll be ripe for initiation into bridge club. Or bunko. Juuuust kidding. But it’s true though. In addition to the speech therapy and one-on-one work, one of the things my mom […]

via In The Hot Seat — BeautyBeyondBones

5 Steps to a Stress Detox — MakeItUltra™

27 Monday Feb 2017

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Written by Guest Contributor: Hawkins-Jackson (USA) Founder of: ChoosingWisdom.org Stress is sitting in rush hour traffic when you’re late, an argument with a family member, or persistent employment worries. It’s the unknowns of a medical diagnosis, the demands of caring for an aging parent, or the looming stack of overdue bills. While the triggers may be different, any […]

via 5 Steps to a Stress Detox — MakeItUltra™

5 Damaging Lies We Learn From Narcissistic Parents

23 Thursday Feb 2017

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I recently discovered Shahida Arabi, an Amazon Bestselling Author and Founder of Self-Care Haven.  She wrote an article called, 5 Damaging Lies We Learn From Narcissistic Parents. I encourage you to read it. Here are a few key thoughts that stood out to me:
  •  The effects of childhood trauma, including emotional neglect or abuse in childhood, can have alarmingly potent effects on our psyche .
  • Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived an existence where love was rarely ever unconditional, if given at all.
  • Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse can rise above their childhood conditioning.

The five lies Shadida Arabi discusses are:

  1. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught they are not inherently worthy, but rather that one’s worth depends on appearance, status, and reputation.
  2. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught the need to be perfect and successful, but one should never be rewarded for it or feel ‘enough.’
  3. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught there is always someone better, and they must be beaten.
  4. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught contempt is a part of love and ‘normal’ in a relationship.
  5. Childhood survivors of narcissistic abuse were taught one’s emotions are not valid.

 

She offers insight into how to address these lies and to recover from this kind of abuse. She states, “…we have to learn to protect ourselves from further abuse and set up a plan to better engage in self-care… We must allow ourselves to grieve for the loss of our childhood and embrace the truth that our parents may have never loved us, or wanted the best for us, but that we can ‘reparent’ ourselves the best ways we know how – through empathy, compassion, self-acceptance and self-love. Make no mistake: when you are the child of a narcissistic parent, the idea that you never deserved this love, is perhaps the biggest lie of all.”

Masters

21 Tuesday Feb 2017

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I have a BA in Religious Studies with a major in Biblical Languages. I’ve been in full time pastoral ministry for 11 years. I really enjoy it.

As part of my career, the typical path is to get a Mdiv  (Masters in Divinity) or MAPMIN (Masters in Applied Ministry). I’m approved for funding to begin the MAPMIN but I don’t feel motivated to start. Not that I wouldn’t benefit from it; from what I hear it’s a good program. Did I mention that I get funding to take it?

While there is always more to learn in theology – it’s so deep and beautiful and transformational – what I encounter in the real world is hurting people who are helped by what I can share now and they need assistance to break through trauma, loss, failures, and other emotional distress.

Lately, I have been getting the impression that I should get a masters in counselling instead of a theology type masters degree.

However, it’s possible it’s all in my head…

10 Ways to Identify Negative People — MakeItUltra™

20 Monday Feb 2017

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Written by Guest Contributor: Sarah W. (USA) Founder of: Onlifeandlove86 As you venture into becoming a new, more improved you in 2017, you should review the people in your circle. Let’s face it, relationships matter. Who we connect ourselves to matter. Relationships are so important that the Harvard Business Review wrote an article about the importance of relationships […]

via 10 Ways to Identify Negative People — MakeItUltra™

8 Principles to a New Start

16 Thursday Feb 2017

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A recent story on the news was that 1 in 2 Canadians will get cancer. These won’t all be lethal cases but it’s still something nobody wants to get. The good news in the story is that there is ample evidence that 1/3 to 1/2 of most cancer can be avoided through lifestyle choices, namely being active, eating healthy, and avoiding smoking and alcohol.

What if you’re starting from zero? What easy and effective choices can you start making today that will make a difference in your life?  Among my friends, we call it NEWSTART:

  1. Nutrition – preferably plant based, whole foods, but definitely avoiding highly processed junk foods and meats.
  2. Exercise – you don’t have to be a superhuman athlete, just get moving. Take a walk, go for a swim, do some yoga. Make it fun and keep it simple.
  3. Water – not gallons a day but water rather instead of processed, sugar and/or alcoholic drinks.
  4. Sunshine – it’s good for most people.
  5. Temperance – enjoy life in moderation.
  6. Air – get fresh air outdoors but can also apply to healthy breathing. Sitting in a chair, scrunched up all day, isn’t healthy breathing.
  7. Rest – rest helps us be wholehearted and resilient. Learn and practice good sleep hygiene.
  8. Trust – nurturing your spiritual self and releasing worry.

 

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Diversion Tactics – Name Calling

15 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by in Discovery, health, Observations, recovery

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Lately, I’ve been discovering common behaviours of Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths. Keep in mind that those are personality disorders and it’s not a good idea to go around labelling people just because they’re jerks. These posts will cover just a few common behaviours that might alert you to possible mistreatment. Please check the link at the bottom for the full list. If these things are happening to you, please seek help so you can have hope and healing.

The following is a summary from an article by by Shahida Arabi at http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/. Shahida Arabi is a poet and the author of the book She Who Destroys the Light: Fairy Tales Gone Wrong.

Toxic people such as malignant narcissists, psychopaths and those with antisocial traits engage in maladaptive behaviors in relationships that ultimately exploit, demean and hurt their intimate partners, family members and friends. They use a plethora of diversionary tactics that distort the reality of their victims and deflect responsibility. Although those who are not narcissistic can employ these tactics as well, abusive narcissists use these to an excessive extent in an effort to escape accountability for their actions. Here are diversionary tactics toxic people use to silence and degrade you.

Name Calling

The lowest of the low resort to narcissistic rage in the form of name-calling when they can’t think of a better way to manipulate your opinion or micromanage your emotions. Name-calling is a quick and easy way to put you down, degrade you and insult your intelligence, appearance or behavior while invalidating your right to be a separate person with a right to his or her perspective.

Name-calling can also be used to criticize your beliefs, opinions and insights. A well-researched perspective or informed opinion suddenly becomes “silly” or “idiotic” in the hands of a malignant narcissist or sociopath who feels threatened by it and cannot make a respectful, convincing rebuttal. Rather than target your argument, they target you as a person and seek to undermine your credibility and intelligence in any way they possibly can. It’s important to end any interaction that consists of name-calling and communicate that you won’t tolerate it. Don’t internalize it: realize that they are resorting to name-calling because they are deficient in higher level methods.