Monthly Archives: May 2016

Rejected

31 Tuesday May 2016

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I just discovered Dr. Guy Winch. He emphasizes the importance of emotional first aid. After reading one of his articles and listening to his TED talk, I bought his book. Even though I am just getting into the book, my brain is buzzing from the first part about the emotional trauma from severe and/or chronic rejection.

I’ve been focused lately on the importance of love and belonging – how they provide security and empower us to be our best selves. I’ve been mostly seeing how shame degrades love and belonging but rejection is a huge piece of the puzzle. Shame and rejection seem to be related; shaming someone gives them the sense of being rejected. From what I can tell, rejection can happen independent of shaming – like being excluded even unintentionally from a group activity – but then it leads to us to dumping shame on ourselves. As Dr. Winch notes, “…rejections elicit emotional pain so sharp it affects our thinking, floods us with anger, erodes our confidence and self-esteem, and destabilizes our fundamental feeling of belonging.”

I was pondering rejection in my life. Two of my most persistent and painful memories from my childhood are rejection experiences with my dad. I was also considering rejection in lives of people I know who struggle with emotional trauma and also the damage rejection creates in the churches where I minister. I need to be more aware of rejection experiences.

While pondering all these things, it hit me. God repeatedly makes it clear that he has never rejected us. Seven times he says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” In John 14:18, he tells us, “I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.” In Matthew 28:20, we are told, “…I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Even to those who ultimately refuse every effort made by God to rescue them, he doesn’t reject them but with tears simply gives them up to their hearts’ desire. Actually, when you look closely at God’s story, the only one who really gets completely rejected is God. By us, his children.

From God’s position, his love for you and your belonging with him, is never in question. I hope the truth of that brings you hope and peace.

 

I AM BORDERLINE: A Short Film

27 Friday May 2016

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This is heartbreaking and yet hopeful. We need to be talking about this to break the stigma. People are too valuable to not work hard for.

Upside Down Chronicles

Potential Trigger Warning:

 

“You are a person who feels the highest of highs and the lowest of lows”

This short film is absolutely beautiful. It represents perfectly experience of living with Borderline Personality Disorder.

As a condition it is talked about so little and is heavily stigmatized. This film stresses the complete turmoil the condition puts a person into rather than focusing on how it looks from the outside. I particularly like the positives that are mentioned: How ‘Borderlines’ are often resilient despite having endless experiences of pain and hurt. To live with this condition you become a survivor.

“You are resilient and you try again. You’ve suffered so deeply, so much of the time. You push on; searching for love, hope and compassion.”

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Parental Alienation-A Type of Child Abuse.. — Psychology for Society

25 Wednesday May 2016

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Recent research on the effects of divorce on children has indicated that children would rather live with their parents separated, than in a high conflict environment with their parents together. As much as we hear the statement “never stay together for the children,” it is often ignored, because of parental conflict and personal reasons between the parents. […]

via Parental Alienation-A Type of Child Abuse.. — Psychology for Society

Despite the Darkness

24 Tuesday May 2016

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I follow a page on Facebook called “Hebrew for Christians.” Here’s a recent post that is just amazing; a fantastic reminder.

There are moments – dark, gnawing, raw – when you may lose sight of hope, when you might even fear that you have lost your faith – not in God or his promises – but rather in yourself, in your own strength to continue, to stay focused, to keep pressing on “hope against hope…” The remedy here is always the same: to remember that within you – that is, in your flesh – “there is no good thing” and that the miracle of salvation is made secure by God’s passion for you, not your own power or desire. “Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the LORD of Hosts.” We don’t trust in ourselves nor in the strength of our inner resolve, but solely in the power of God to make the way. We must turn away from ourselves to regain the message of God’s unfailing love; only when we lose sight of ourselves do we find ourselves. God redeems you from your lost estate and touches you in your uncleanness; He clothes himself in your pain so that you may be clothed in his love. That never changes, despite dark moments, and to that we must always return.

Aching to be held — thefeatheredsleep

19 Thursday May 2016

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Here’s another moving poem by The Feathered Sleep. I read this one a few times now and it really hits me.

Our outstretched arms slowed and folded when you were born we didn’t know how to parent your screams or those red-eyed moments when longingly we looked to strangers or even, empty benches It wasn’t a lack of love maybe a lack of duty you see, we weren’t taught in our irregular and ragged growing […]

via Aching to be held — thefeatheredsleep

Love Songs

17 Tuesday May 2016

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I have a distinct memory from when I was in my religious studies classes (not like it was decades ago – I was a mature student). One of my professors said, with great disdain, that many of the modern Christian songs sound like a love song couples might sing to each other. A few people gave an amen. A few chuckled. But I started pondering…

Of all the metaphors God gives for our relationship with him, the most intimate is that of husband and bride. I believe that God meets us where we are with the metaphor that best speaks to us but then moves us to greater and greater intimacy with him – to the marriage metaphor. When he returns the major imagery is a groom coming for his bride and when we are all reunited it’s called the wedding supper of the lamb.

I like songs about God – his majesty, salvation, and comfort but maybe it’s a good thing that many newer Christian songs are singing to God; like love songs that a couple might sing to each other.

Now, how about this: what if God was to sing songs to us? What would they sound like? He would have to put them into ways we will understand; an unfiltered God song would be beyond what we can imagine. Sometimes, I hear God singing to us in love songs. Today, I again heard John Legend’s “All of Me.” It occurred to me that it could easily be God singing to you and me, his beloved bride to be.  Check out some of the lyrics:

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I’m around through every mood
You’re my downfall, you’re my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can’t stop singing, it’s ringing, in my head for you

Check out Zephaniah 3:17: “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

And to me, the chorus sounds like the cross:

‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you.

What songs remind you of God’s love for you and his desire for you to be his forever bride?

Body Positivity Week???

13 Friday May 2016

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Wow! This is an awesome post. Well worth the time. 
Well, in case you didn’t know, it’s “Body Positivity Week.” Yep, thanks to BuzzFeed, we’re being bombarded with full-frontal content about Forget-You-I-Love-My-Curves, and NGAFudge-ing about what anyone thinks about our cellulite, and Dag-Nabit I’m wearing a bikini if I want to, and how dare you body shame me. It’s actually kind of ironic how it’s […]

http://beautybeyondbones.com/2016/05/12/body-positivity-week/

Girl on Fire by Beauty Beyond Bones

06 Friday May 2016

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Another rock solid post from Beauty Beyond Bones. Worth every minute it takes to read.

 

Whether you love it or hate it, Facebook is an undeniable part of our lives. And yes, I’m dying a little on the inside admitting that sad, sad, fact. But sift through all the wedding and baby announcements, the cooking videos and political rants, and sometimes, juuuust sometimes, you’ll come across a gem. A little nugget […]

via Girl on Fire — BeautyBeyondBones

The Value of Mental Health Awareness

04 Wednesday May 2016

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Check out this great post by Steve Rose. “When we recognize that the underlying issue is not simply poor character, weak-will, or immorality, we come to see mental health the same way we see physical health. ”

In recent years, the concept of mental health has gained traction, helping to reduce the stigma. As Canada observes Mental Health Awareness Week, I want to contribute to the conversation by considering why awareness is so important. After all, what does awareness get us? Does simply having everyone aware of something solve real problems? I […]
http://steveroseblog.com/2016/05/03/the-value-of-mental-health-awareness/