Shame basically works like this:
Shame is the fear of disconnection; it’s a fear of being vulnerable – so we run away, hide, build walls, and so on.
To have connection with God and others, you must be vulnerable – you must be willing to be seen.

How do we get past shame and begin to live vulnerably? Those who can move past shame and embrace being vulnerable are people who have a strong sense of love and belonging. In other words, they believe they are worthy of love and belonging – they see their worthiness.

Where do we get a deep sense of worthiness? You can’t really talk yourself into it; it ends up being fake. The true and lasting solution is looking to our Creator God who, in every way, was vulnerable for us. How can the one who created the heavens and the earth and everything in them be vulnerable?

Our God freely and without conditions gave a part of himself that had never been given before, knowing full well what would happen, (see Isaiah 53):

• When God arrived he was a baby risking disease, starvation, and murderous intentions.
• As he was on his mission can you hear the vulnerability in his words:

When he said he had no place to stay?
When the people he grew up with rejected him?
When the fans found it hard to follow him, and to his friends he needed to ask, “Are you going to leave me also?”

Then our God endured the ultimate shame of the the cross. Bearing our nakedness and the terror of disconnection unfiltered he knew that many he was dying for would scoff at him and reject him.

Your forever friend is the model of vulnerability and it’s his vulnerability that reveals our worthiness. His vulnerability has demonstrated his love for us and your belonging in his kingdom.

As much as you are able to understand God’s vulnerable love for you, you will move past shame and the destructive consequences of our fear of disconnection and begin to live the same life Christ did – a vulnerable life; a life that’s a fountain of joy, creativity, and love.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer observed:

“He who is alone with his sins is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everyone must conceal his sin from himself and from their fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!”

The curse of perfectionism is that it’s all about being good enough. This way requires one to shield themselves from being a vulnerable person, lest others see that they “aren’t good enough.” The perfectionist dare not be truly seen.

Shame affects us in so many ways in our day to day life. Did you know that North Americans today are the most obese, in debt and medicated generation that has ever existed? There’s strong evidence that this way of life comes from shame.

How you deal with shame and your ability to be vulnerable doesn’t save you or help you score points with God. And yet, not dealing with shame and your ability to be vulnerable could get you lost. Consider 1 John 2:28:

[ Living as Children of God ] And now, dear children, remain in fellowship with Christ so that when he returns, you will be full of courage and not shrink back from him in shame.

If shame is still controlling you when Jesus returns – even though he is returning for you to take you home – what will you do? Shrink back. That’s not a good thing. Keep working it back – if you’re controlled by shame, are you in fellowship with Christ? It would seem not.

Embracing Christ Jesus when he returns is the most important reason why your shame needs to be healed in the here and now.

In the beginning, human beings were created naked and not ashamed. Of course, we know that was lost.

It began when Adam and Even accepted a distorted picture of their Dad in heaven and they began to distrust him. Then they displaced God from the centre of their life claiming the role of god and judge of themselves and others. The fall out was almost immediate – they were ashamed.

Brené Brown’s research indicates that shame is grounded in a fear of disconnection; it comes from a sense of being unworthy; unacceptable. We see shame’s toxic tentacles sinking into human hearts – they run and hide from the only one who can help them, they became guarded; put up walls and interestingly, they began to blame – blame each other, blame God. God’s revelation that when we disconnect from him, death begins to work in us, was already coming true.

Since then, one of the works that God is doing in those that abide in him is to remove shame and make us people that can be vulnerable again.

Take just a minute and imagine what it would be like to be in a time and place where you could be completely transparent, authentic, vulnerable and accepted at the same time. No pretense, no masks, no pretending.

Picture that one thing in your life that you wish you could tell someone – you could tell it and be free; you could tell it and find forgiveness and reconciliation, you could tell it and get the help you need, you could tell it and finally justice would be done.

Take 30 seconds and imagine what it would be like to live in a world where you could be who you really are and find that you are really accepted at the same time.

To me, imagining such a time and place where we can be real people is catching a glimpse of heaven on earth.

I regularly meditate on this thought.

The atonement of Christ was not made in order to induce God to love those whom He otherwise hated; and it was not made to produce a love that was not in existence; but it was made as a manifestation of the love that was already in God’s heart, an exponent of the divine favor in the sight of heavenly intelligences, in the sight of worlds unfallen, and in the sight of a fallen race. . . . We are not to entertain the idea that God loves us because Christ has died for us, but that He so loved us that He gave His only-begotten Son to die for us.– The Signs of the Times, May 30, 1893.

What difference does it make to you that you have never needed to, nor has Jesus ever need to appease or convince God to accept you just as you are right now?

The human tendency is to approach spiritual things like a checklist.  Do this, do that. We easily turn things into rituals and suck the life out of them.

I’ve been sharing that, since the terrible mess began, the Eternal One has been working to restore. We can see that one day he will restore Eden, recreating the heavens and earth. He is restoring us and our relationship with him, too. He invites us receive his restoration and that’s called abiding.

An easy test to see if you are abiding is to meditate on this question: “Are there areas in my life that I believe I have under control; that I can handle it?” If so, these are likely areas where you are not abiding; you have left walls up that say to God, “Stay out, private property.” If you face many situations saying, “I’ve got it” – by word or deed – you are probably not abiding.

How do you abide? You can’t manufacture abiding – it’s not a program or a technique. Abiding is a result or consequence of dwelling upon the love, grace, glory and majesty of God.  As you read your Bible; watching how he moves, leads, encourages, and even disciplines you catch a glimpse of the creator of the universe, your King, shepherd, Teacher , Father, Husband. As you see him more clearly, day by day placing your trust in him, Eternal One-Spirit will take you more and more into abiding in him.